Missed One!

Oh yeah, Sandra Bullock, can you please go find my mom's evil grandmother's grave, dig her up, and give her the ugly dress back that you stole from her? bwahahahahahaha!!!! 

OSCAR RED CARPET FASHION, I SURE HAD TO PEE....A LOT!!!

Ready for my Oscar red carpet raves and rants people? Well too bad cause he it is! And as you can see, I know a ill sum thin about A listers too, not to brag, but I'm gonna anyway, cause me and Hilary, we go waaaaayyyyyy back and did you know that she goes to super high kill pounds and saves dogs herself without anyone knowing? yup she does, she is an AAAAA++++++ LISTER! 

We love Giuliana Rancic she is always gorgeous and she survived breast cancer too we look up to her, she's a classy lady! 

Who is this nazi sounding dude Wolfgang? I'm not feeling his fashion choice he looks like a waiter

Kelly Osbourne your hair a MESS and why did you steal Helen Mirrens  dress again??

Berence Bejo i want to hump your leg!

Nick Nolte YOU SCARE ME!! YOU ARE AS SCARY AS THE POUND!!!!

The chunky Bridesmaid girl looks amazing. See Mom there is hope for fatties like you!!!

The girl from the Descendants is boring I think I have to go outside and pee on some stuff right now to get some inspiration brb!

Is Ryan Secrets gay?

Jessica  Chastain what upholstery shop did you rob? Bitch get off the carpet already….and by bitch I don’t mean my sister Lola!

Clooney's HOT girlfriend put your hair up and slap on some red lipstick please and by red lipstick I dont mean my peepee!!

Viola Davis you look amazing love the subtle greem eye makeup to play off of your gorgeous green dress that looks like lush grass so I need to go outside and pee again and why do us black people have more style than those whiteys? Hmmmmmmm

Rooney Mara mom refuses to watch the remake of that movie you made but we both are wondering when you got caught in that roll of toilet paper???

P Diddy barf!

P Diddly makes me want to go outside eat grass and barf. Then pee and poop on it

ohhhhhh Sweet Michelle Williams, LOVE that dress girl! would have looked better with a nice big choker and next time match the lips to the dress, otherwise 4 paws up and I pee on dad's shoes for you! 

 Angelina Jolie, boring! did the homeless guy at 7-11 do your hair or what? you look like you smell like pee….are you smoking too much weed with Brad now or what?

Meryl streep love you but that dress looked like a gold jiffy pop stove top popcorn thingy 

Milla Milla Milla, you are the only one who wore white and looked STUNNING 8 paws up over here! 

Best Dressed tie between Tina Fey and General Aladeen!

I'd write more, but Jerseyliscious was on and me and Mom's find it more inspirational than these boring awards shows, so later peeps!

xoxo

Otie

OH WHAT A DAY!!!!

So today Mom’s grabbed me and ran out the door to yet another shoot, can a little guy ever get a rest?? There was lots of tension at this one, a lot of men in suits running around looking at their watches  and saying “you have 3 minutes” and “you have 5 minutes” and “you have  2 minutes” and Mom’s friend Miguel the crazy guy with the camera was moving shit around and checking lights and I thought Mom was gonna have a heart attack cause it seemed like Osama Bin Laden was in the building or something,  cause all these men in suits looked like secret service or sumthin, is that his name? the Prez, is it Osama??  and boy did I have to PEE real bad!! Well anyway, then this older dude finally walks in and wow, I think I saw him in that drag race show that mom watches?? I know I’ve seen this dude in a dress, I’m sure of it! Anyway, he was really cool and he told us that he has a bunch of rescued animals at home, and ya know what? I didn’t even pee on him, not one drop! I really liked him, he was cool…… who is our Prez again? And what’s this guys name, does anyone know?  Later peeps!